The Adapted Self — A Child’s Way of Surviving
Why I Gave Myself Up (And How I Found My Way Back)
Returning to the Past to Understand the Present
Let me take you into part of my childhood, so you can understand how early experiences shape our present lives.
I don’t remember much from my childhood, but I do remember some key decisions — and most importantly, how I felt.
I’ll focus more on those feelings, and how they later played out in my adult life.
I’ll reflect on the past with the awareness I have now, to show how healing and new perspectives brought me back to peace, love, and compassion — for myself and for others, in a balanced way.
How Adaptation Begins in Childhood
One powerful realization was this: I gave up who I truly was in order to belong — to receive the love, care, and attention I so deeply needed as a child.
Once I became aware of this part of me — the part that chose to sacrifice herself — I sat with her. I listened to her story.
Out of love for her parents and a strong need of belonging, she decided to give herself up, little by little, until she became someone she thought the world needed or would appreciate more.
Maybe she was too much for the adults around her.
Maybe they couldn’t understand her joy because they had lost touch with their own.
Maybe they were too caught up in their pain, their traumas, their own unfinished stories.
In the end, it doesn’t even matter.
What matters is that the little girl I was… slowly transformed, without even noticing.
Each year, a little more, she became someone else — until she lost touch with herself, her body, her needs.
The Prison of Adaptation
I couldn’t understand why people were so bitter.
Why adults scolded me.
Why no one played with me or gave me the love and attention I craved.
After a while, I stopped asking.
And in many ways, I gave up — on myself, on my creativity, on my joy.
I created a safe space inside my own mind — a kind of prison, full of rules.
Those rules kept me safe as a child. But as a 30-year-old adult, they were no longer serving me.
They had become limitations, quietly shaping my current life.
And they were keeping me from fully enjoying life.
That doesn’t mean I didn’t have fun or beautiful experiences. I did.
But underneath it all — especially in deeper, more critical moments — I could still feel those limitations playing out within me.
The Turning Point: Awareness Without Judgment
This awareness came slowly — through years of deep inner work and gentle observation of my own behaviors and thoughts.
And for me, this became the key to freedom:
Self-observation, without judgment.
Observe your patterns.
Notice your thoughts and your feelings.
And gently ask yourself:
Where are they coming from?
When in my past have I felt this before?
Stay with those questions.
Your subconscious mind will offer the answers you’re ready to process — when you’re ready to receive them.
A Gentle Reminder: Trust yourself. Be patient.
This is a new skill — a new capacity.
And like anything real and worthwhile, it takes time and practice to develop.
But it’s possible.
I’m living proof that it is.
You may also like The Power of Inner Transformation — a journey from survival to self- connection and authenticity.